i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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