Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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