I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
