I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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