Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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