I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
