The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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