if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
