i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
