Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
