I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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