TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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