the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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