I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I can text with my tongue
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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