You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
