I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
