dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
