Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
