just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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