Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
