3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
