omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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