There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
