Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's shark week go big or go home
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
