Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
