Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
