So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
