i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
