Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
