You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
