ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You smell like a Billy Joel song
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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