when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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