Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
