It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The air was thick with penises
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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