remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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