Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
