got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
