I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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