i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
