After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
