Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
