Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
