That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
