His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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