mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
