Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
