I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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