I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
