Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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