Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
