also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
