I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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