I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
